So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
