We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
