I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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