Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
