Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we're so committed to being not committed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
