Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
