you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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