She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
