if you like me you must not know who I am
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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