Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
