I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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