dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
