So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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