I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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