Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize