Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Im part way to drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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