Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
