I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
