he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have aggressive nipples.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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