i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
