i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
