I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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