He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
