Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
