the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i think i just lost a toe
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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