I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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