My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
