it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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