He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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