It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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