Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
