We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
