It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
