His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
