We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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