: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
