I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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