I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
