The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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