I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
