Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
