I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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