Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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