Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
