I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
