I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
