everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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