This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
