My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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