His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
