Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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