He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
