The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
