i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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