I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
