Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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