I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
