I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
