ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
tell me about the eggs
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
