those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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