I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
