She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
