Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
