Got a toothbrush?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
