I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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