I wannas sexs uuuuu
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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