Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
