that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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