I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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