listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
