He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
