You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
