You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
