I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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