when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
