It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
