my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
